San Diego, A.P. - An unprecedented act of aggression left San Diego county residents shocked today, as Marine Corps amphibious assault craft USS Peleliu pounced brazenly and without warning upon a Myrna Ackerman, a notorious local gossip.  The unfortunate lady was enjoying a Mahi-Mahi salad at the Bali-Hai while discussing with her friends how the state should really close down the North Island base, and the ships there were so smelly and ugly, don't you know, and how the radar masts got in the way of her view and she heard they were bad for the sea lions, oh my yes, those poor creatures, they just can't stand all those ships."  Her bridge partners, who escaped with only minor bruises, related the attack.

"Well, Myrna was going on in her way, don't you know, when that big boat seemed to come out of nowhere!" recounted Cheryl Potts, who usually plays West, by the Italian Blue Team rules.  "Why, it came right up close to the restaurant, and we didn't pay it any mind, you know, though it was so big, and it was a bit unusual, yes, but then, why, I don't know how exactly, but it just stomped on poor Myrna, I think with its anchor.  That was that.  I simply couldn't finish my cantaloupe then.  Looked too much like Myrna, my, yes."

The ship's crew was questioned as to why the Peleliu would have conducted herself so unbecomingly.  LCDR Wallace, who was on the bridge at the time, stated "Well, I suppose it just got tired of hearing her.  [The Peleliu] has very sensitive instruments, after all."

Many San Diego residents seemed troubled by the act, unheard of until now, but few were willing to talk about it.  When pressed, Mr. Marvin Doyle of the Bali-Hai explained his reticence: "What if the ships are listening right now?"  He left the restaurant in a hurry, stating he was "going inland".

The Navy refused comment, out of concern not to upset the Peleliu further.

 

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